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31 entries from November 2010

10 Things Your Teenager Won't Tell You - Parenting on Shine

Wonder what’s bugging your teen? It’s hard to be certain when all your son does is grunt and your daughter won’t stop rolling her eyes. So rather than pressing our own kids to talk—not going to happen!—we asked teenagers from around the country what messages they wish they could share with their moms and dads. Sure, every child is different, but it may do you and your teen some good if you took these truthful kids’ concerns to heart. Photo: © Thinkstock


I have no idea who Kimberly Fusaro is but she must be a heck of a sales person to convince someone that this list had any new information on it. What do you think?

nature? nurture? my life. Law and Order SVU Can a personality change?

I used to love the show Law and Order. It was a show I'd watch with my mom when I was younger. I've even written CBS to see if they would be willing to do a show called "Law and Order: Grand Rapids." Ok, I made that part up. I probably will not get as much done today as I could have because when I ate my lunch, I turned on the T.V and there was Law and Order SVU.

The show was a real emotional bender. The antagonist (bad guy) was  rapist and a murderer. But his attorney's defense was that it wasn't actually his fault because he inherited a gene from his father who raped his mother and she conceived him that pre-disposed him to anger and violence. On top of that, he was raised to a crack addict mom in the most violent of horrible situations. It was a social workers dream situation—his genes (nature) and his environment (nurture) were both against him.

The show ended with Detective Benson, incidentally, I recently hear that she is the highest paid female actor (Political correctness will not allow me to say actress and save a word) on T.V., leans into the sympathetic psychologist and says, "Did he really have a choice? Did he ever have a chance? Do any of us?"

*Freeze frame for a moment and allow me to wonder. I will bring it back I promise*

I recently had a conversation with a friend about how she experiences anxiety in her life during certain events. For instance, if a boss says that they want to have a meeting with her she will automatically assume the worst, and worries that she is going to get fired or in trouble of some sort. In a 25 minute conversation she said at least six times that I counted, "That's just my personality." I asked her if she was brought up that way. She said no, "that has just always been my personality." I asked her if her mom or dad was that way. She said, "Nope, that is just my personality...well, my mom is like that!"

Ah-ha! Her nature and her nurture had transpired to make her life an anxiety driven mess whenever she is up for a review or has to interact with someone in her life who is an authority.

So I asked a question. I asked her if she thought she could change her personality. This was essentially Detective Benson's question. I'm curious, what is your answer?

Can a personality change? Are you destined to have the same personality your whole life or can you change parts of it? Can you change all of it?

familys-fall-from-affluence-is-swift-and-hard: Personal Finance News from Yahoo! Finance

"We spent too much," he conceded. "I have a fourth grader, an eighth grader and a girl who just finished high school. I should have kept working and put the money in bonds."

Mrs. Martin recalled the summer night in 1998 when the family was having a spaghetti dinner at home in Paso Robles, in central California, and a bank representative called to ask where to wire the money. "It seemed like an unbelievable amount," she said regretfully.


This story is heartbreaking on so many levels. Broken families, broke families. Bad advice. Shattered dreams. It's all there. I suppose it's easy to call them greedy and be done with it but the numbers don't lie. People who come into large amounts of money suddenly are usually broke fairly quickly. For fun, look up the last 20 lottery winners. Come back and tell us how many are broke.

This whole story is just sad.

Kim Clijsters and Building Strong Families | Psychology Today

At a time when the economy is in dire straits, and millions are unemployed, we can't forget that without hope for a better future and the means to achieve it, we will lose a generation of children. Our children's resilience depends on a society that addresses the problem of their poverty.


What do you think? This is something of a provocative article. How do you think we should teach the next generation resilience? Is the biggest aspect of that addressing the issue of poverty? Is there more? Is there something else?

10 Things I'm Thankful for...

Today on Thanksgiving I thought I might list some things that I am thankful for in something of a random order.

So I'm thankful for:

  1. My family. I have been blessed with a wife and childrent that have made my life so amazing. There is not enough space on this tiny page to state all the things that they mean to me. My wife is an amazing woman who believes in me, loves to have long talks and makes me laugh.
  2. The rest of my family.
  3. Coffee shops. Whoever invented these fine establishments is my hero. Great for getting work done, long talks, reading, or even eating. It's a fine success everywhere.
  4. My partner, I have a fantastic partner for my business.
  5. Employment. You never really know how much you will appreciate having a job until you've been without one for a while. 
  6. Moleskin journals. Ok, I know this one is weird but I love writing something down and seeing it on paper. 
  7. My friends. I seriously have some of the greatest friends in the world. I could write a post a day about each one of them.
  8. The power of story. I love how stories can move me, and others. I love how we can learn from good stories.
  9. Second (and third, fourth and beyond chances). I have failed as often as I have suceeded. I am so thankful for having the opportunity to try again.
  10. My life. I can seriously say that I love my life. There are so many things to be thankful for but for now, these ten will have to do.

Points to Ponder (100 Words or Less)

Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation. So many times around the holidays people will allow themselves to be in a destructive situation because they want to reconcile with a family member that has hurt or abandoned them. They mistake the idea of reconciliation—which takes both parties with forgiveness. Forgiveness only involves one party. Forgiving a person can happen completely on your own, but the other person has to want to make things right for reconciliation. (75)

Why? Gains, Goals, Pursuits and Reactions? 5 questions to understand those who drive us nuts.

Have you ever been hurt by someone you cared about? Have you ever been annoyed by someone you could care less about? Have you ever looked at someone's actions or activities and thought, "What in the world are they thinking? I think we all have some part of these elements in our history.

We have a friend that is always telling the monster size lies. We have the family member that seems stuck in a destructive way of communication. We all have________________ (you can fill in the blank here on your own). 

Here are five questions I think we would all benefit from learning to ask of our life with these people.

  1. Why? (As in why do they do what they are doing)
  2. What is gained? (What do they gain by doing what they are doing? or What would be gained if what they wanted to happen would happen?)
  3. What is the goal? (What are they hoping to achieve?)
  4. What is that they are really after?
  5. What can I do about it?

Try it. If you have a family member/friend/colleague that simply seems to be hell bent on making your life miserable, run the sitution through this lens and see what you come up with in regards to udnerstanding the situation from that person's point of view.

Naughty Naked Skeletons | Psychology Today

Perhaps instead of protest signs, we should be taking large mirrors and fake Halloween skeletons to these leader's speeches. Let's hold up the mirrors, to remind them who they're really talking about, when they rail against deception, moral failings and sexual excess. Make the skeletons dance, to let our leaders know that we're not stupid. They have secrets in their closets, just like we do. Perhaps our leaders should remember that when they stand up in front of us, that their closet doors might very well turn to glass.


What do you think about this article? As soon as I heard this about this guy's challenge, I thought of a couple of things.

  1. Why do pastors think they are qualified to be counselors? Would they let a counselor preach in "their" pulpit?
  2. I wonder who this guy cheated on his wife with

Now, the author here has no qualms about putting his dislike for the man out in the open. What do you think about that? What do you think about the fact that guy blamed facebook for the affairs and thought that shutting down facebook accounts would stop or limit them? I know some people who have joint facebook accounts and I know others who laugh at those people? What are your thoughts about that?