What does it meant to be heard?
I believe that one of life’s core questions is “Am I being heard?” The obvious question is what does that mean? Here is a short post from my book that I’m working on seeking to begin to answer this question.
We all seek to be heard beyond simply the words that we are speaking. We want to know that the other person is hearing our heart. We want to feel that there is someone who is so interested in us that they want to know the thoughts, feelings and emotions that are behind the words we are speaking. We want to know that we are loved so much that someone wants to understand what we are trying to say not simply what is coming out.
Sometimes there are no words. This is a simple truth that happens all the time. The human psyche is complex. Our emotions can override our ability to actually say the words we want to be saying. We don’t know how to comunicate all the time and we all want to know that there is someone who knows us so well that they will be able to put words to our feelings when we cannot.
We don’t need them to fix us. We often don’t even need them to fix problem. We just absolutely need to know that they hear us. We need to be secure in the fact that there is at least one person who can know us so well that they can hear the lyrics of our soul. Think about couples that are intuitive to each other. They can finish each other’s sentences. A simple nod can communicate volumes from one to the other. A stolen glance. These non verbal communication begin with verbal communications. They begin with spending copious amounts of time together listening to each other.
When people tell me that they have “fallen out of love” with their spouse and “fallen in love” with their new whoever, I always ask which person is getting more of their time. Invariably, I hear that the person they have fallen in love with is getting the lion’s share of the time. Hearing a person tells them that they are important (which answers the valued question as well). More importantly, it tells them that we are seeking to understand them.
How many times in your life have you felt misunderstood or just not understood?
Have you ever met someone who not only listened to you but really tried to understand you? How did you feel about the person? Have you ever met someone who could have cared less about understanding you? How did you feel about that person?