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4 entries from August 2012

5 lessons learned (too late?)

As part of our practice, we get Psychology Today every other month. The latest issue has an article in it that I cannot find online but that I found to be very interesting. According to the author, there are five life lessons we all need to learn and typically don't.

According to Dr. Elizabeth Svoboda we need to learn these five lessons.

  1. The role of radical acceptance:You can't fix the ones you love so focus on fixing yourself. The author takes this to every relationship in our life.
  2. The beuty of benign neglect: It is more harmful to overparent than to underparent.
  3. Opposites don't attract forever: Seek a mate whose values and background echo your own.
  4. Social networks matter: The strength of your friendships is as critical for your health as the lifestyle choices you make.
  5. Lust diminishes but love remains: Being inured with your partner isn't the same as being out of love.

What do you think of this list on the face of it? I realize it is somewhat unfair to ask you to judge an article without reading it, but I can't find it online yet so you'll have to work with me. Thanks. Leave a comment and let me know what you think.

Fear vs Courage. An excellent thought.

I was recently given a book to read regarding tools for life. I want to share a quote with you from the book.

“Fear is almost always linked to an image you have of something terrible happening in the future. If I speak up, I’ll fired. If I start my own business, I’ll go bankrupt. The more you fixate on this future image, the more paralyzed you become—unable to act until you are certain the event won’t happen. But that kind of certainty is impossible.

It’s hard to admit this; our whole culture is based on the lie that it’s possible to be certain about the future.Go to the right school, eat the right foods, buy the right stocks, and your future is guaranteed. The develop courage, you have to give us this illusion of future certainty.

This frees you to focus on the present—the only place you can find courage to act.”

~Phil Stutz & Barry Michels

From The Tools pp. 53-54

What do you think?

Guest Post: How to Achieve Your Goals

Tips on How to Achieve Your Life Goals Before the Year Ends
If you are striving to meet your life goals before the end of the year, but feel a bit overwhelmed about making better progress, remember this: Achieving your life goals before years end can be achieved if you have a good plan in place. Engaging in a life coach to help you succeed in those goals can be very effective. A coach helps to keep you on focused and on track and enforces your accountability. Other than that, here are some more great ways to achieve those life goals before the end of the year:

Want It
To be able to achieve those life goals in life this year, you have to truly have the desire, drive and passion to attain it. Without the drive to really “want” it, you’re not going to have the incentive to get it before the year is out. Personal goals in life have to be something that you feel driven about wanting before you can achieve them completely.

Write It Down
Listing your life goals down on a sheet of paper in a very specific way is important. If you cannot name what your life goal is, you won’t be able to achieve it. Setting goals can’t work if you don’t write it down so that you can actually attain it. “I want to go to shed some pounds” is not a specified goal. However, “I want to drop 50 pounds by the end of the year” is specific enough and will give you something to achieve.

Identify Your Steps
Once you have that specific and detailed goal and you have named it, you need to identify and write down all the steps it will take to achieve that goal. Reaching a life goal will require taking extremely focused steps every single day toward that goal. Again you can’t just say “I will eat better today.” You have to be more specific and say something like “I will eat only 1200 calories today.” State exactly how much exercise time you will have to do that specific day to meet your goal. Have a list before you every day that has your goal for that day listed on it and check it off when you complete it.

To achieve your life goal before the end of the year, you must make a true commitment to get it done. Write it down and write down the steps to get there. This will all add to your chances for success. To go a step further, sign a contract to yourself that you commit to this goal before years end. That promise may be the drive that gets you there.

Review Your Goal
Every few weeks assess the progress you have made and review if you are making progress towards that goal. If you have to adjust the goal a bit, do it. As long as you commit and promise to meet that goal before years end, you can still do this. Don’t set the goals too high and make sure they are high enough as well to be challenged. If you are not getting where you need to be when you assess, push yourself to do better.

Don’t make excuses. You set these personal life goals because you know they will make you a better person and make you feel better about your life. If it takes a life coach, a friend, a business associate, find someone that can push you to help you stay focused on achieving those goals before the year ends.

Rob McFarland writes about happiness, finances & self-empowerment at