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4 entries from March 2013

Learning how to engage your partner (even in conflict).

Let's talk about something you will learn at this year's Hopes and Dreams Conference.

Do me a favor.

Take out a piece of paper and draw a circle in it. Now write out some things that go on in your life anywhere else on the paper.

Now write in the middle of that circle these words, "Circle of Conflict."

Now, let's consider something. What if that circle is the only place you can go to solve the conflict in your relationship?

My guess is that, if you are like most people I know, you avoid that circle at all costs.

The very place you have to go to have the type of relationship you really want gets avoided at all cost.

Because of this, your relationship actually suffers. Rather than growing through love, trust and respect, you suffer through guilt, shame, fear and resentment.

I believe that anyone can learn how to enter into that circle. I believe that anyone can learn how to stay in that circle long enough to solve the issues that come up in every relationship.
More importantly, I believe that when we do learn to engage inside the circle of conflict, we actually build our relationship with a foundation that will see us through all the storms of life.

And I want to teach you how to do just that. I want to teach you that the circle of conflict can be a safe place where your partner learns to love you and trust you more despite your conflict.

My assumption is that in order for any relationship to be healthy, a couple must possess the skills to engage inside the circle of conflict and stay engaged in that conflict in way that is healthy and healing.

Come to Hopes and Dreams 2013 and I will teach you exactly that. You will leave armed with the skills necessary to process through conflict with your partner. Over time, you will see that circle of conflict actually adds value to your relationship.

Register today. Seats are limited. I truly believe the tools being offered in this conference can improve your relationship, no matter where you find it.


I am Cancer?

I am….

There are rarely two more pregnant words in the English language than these two words.

I am…

I am a husband

I am a dad

I am a small business owner

I am….

and suddenly all sorts of endless possibilities erupt into our thinking.

One that I don’t hear that often is “I am cancer.”

Which is odd because I hear, I am ADD or I am ADDHD or I am BP, or I am Bi-Polar.

Actually, now that I think about it, maybe that’s the odd thing. Maybe it’s odd that people use their diagnosis for their identity. Maybe we need to move away from that in the mental health field.

Maybe someone’s isn’t ADD.

Maybe he just has ADD.

I put this idea up on my Facebook wall a couple of days ago and someone told me that they hate diagnosis and label. The problem with that idea is that labels are necessary. Suppose I walk into my Doctor’s office thinking I have strep throat and he discovers that I have cancer. Well, he hates labels so he doesn’t want to tell me that I have cancer.

That’s not helpful. Labels are necessary so we know what we are treating.

Labels, and by extension diagnosis can be necessary and useful.

But they should never be our identity.

You are more than your diagnosis.

You are more than your symptoms.

You are more than your issues.

The next time you’re tempted to say I am…and end it with a diagnosis, I hope you catch yourself and change add one little word.