Joe Knows! Question #1
Change, Vulnerability, Shame and Brené Brown

46 Challenge Tip #3: Dates have to happen

This one seems to be so obvious but it amazes me how often people don't seem to get it. Dates have to happen.

Couples that date, I mean really date are far more secure than couples that don't.

Of course, what does it mean to really date? Too many couples go on a date and pick up a fight, or talk about a problem with the kids or a bill. These ideas aren't bad but they can take a date and turn it into a meeting.

Meetings aren't fun. In fact, at our company we talked about the possibility of regular meetings and I asked a simple question; "Who here has ever worked at a place where you were excited about going to a meeting?" No one raised a hand.

When dates become a meeting, they didn't happen.

When dates happen, they need to have a fun agenda. They are great times for reflection, or remembering. They are excellent times to dream about the future. Sometimes, they can be great times to discuss different stressful events, but most family business issues should be dealt with during a different time.

The second way that dates don't happen is because of financial or other stressors. This is one of the worst times to stop doing dates. They need to happen more then because dates are the best way to keep the ground of your relationship fertile for emotional security to grow. As we've discussed before, they don't have to cost much money or even any money. Taking a walk through a park for an hour is a great way to go on a date.

Dates need to happen, even when money is tight because they are the balm for the stress that you are going through.

Another time that dates get cut is because of schedules. Often, this is so the parents can accommodate children's schedule. Once again, this is completely backwards from how what needs to happen. We mistakenly believe that by pouring all of our available resources into our children that they will become healthy.

What will actually make them healthy is a mom and dad that are healthy. And probably a lot less scheduling but that's a post for another day. Dates are recovery times for relationships.

If you want your relationship to be healthy you need to have regular date times.

That's why we started the challenge! So go do something with your spouse. Talk a walk. Lay on a blanket under the stars.

Do something. Anything.

The results will come.

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