3 posts categorized "Abuse" Feed

VLOG #5 #MeToo is a #MenToo issue

This video deals with my history of sexual assault at the hands of someone in my neighborhood and the different reactions I've encountered over the years in trying to bring the conversation to light. Since I originally posted the video I have had numerous men reach out to me to tell that they were assaulted in one way or another.

I am so glad that women are finding their voice to express the oppression and assault's they have endured. I hope those who have found their voice can inspire other victims to find their own voice and cal their attackers out into the open.

I hope our society can actually engage in substantive conversation about real change.

We need to stop the message that whatever feels good is OK, without consequence. People are not conquests or objects. 
If you've been victimized, you are not the sum of your assault.
It was not your fault.

You do not have to live with the shame. I promise you that's true, even if it doesn't feel that way to you now.

Sexual Abuse: The conversation we all need to have

We start a very difficult topic today over at our blog on Creative Solutions.  We are starting a conversation about the issue of sexual abuse. Sexual abuse is happening or has happened to people you know.

Th statistics are absolutely scary. The topic is uncomfortable. The conversation is absolutely necessary. Understanding the implications of this are important.

Socities silence on this topic is literally crippling and killing people. It's time that we all stand up and be a voice for those who have been impacted by this terrible blight on our culture. They need not suffer alone.

They can find comfort, healing and wholeness.

Join the conversation here.

Are You in Danger of Being Abused?

Are you dating an abuser?


Research by F. Scott Reyburn PhD


When a woman’s assailant is an intimate partner or ex-partner, the injury rate is about 52%, when it is a stranger, only 20%.  More women are murdered by one of these men than any other type.


Guys don’t come with warning labels, but they do come with behavioral preferences that signal the potential for and probability of abuse.


  1. Dating situation: he pushes too far, too fast, planning your future together shortly after you have had a few dates. Before you catch on to his real intent for you. This takes the initial form of showering you with attention, which is initially flattering, but is merely a method of setting the hook.
  2. He wants: your undivided attention
  3. He needs: to always be in charge
  4. He always: has to win, even when he says he does not.
  5. He breaks: promises most of the time
  6. He can’t: take criticism and always justifies his actions (often with lies)
  7. He blames: someone else anytime something goes wrong
  8. He is jealous: of your close friends, family members, and all other men
  9. He demands to know: where you went and whom you saw
  10. Demonstrates: mood changes that are unpredictable, often between extreme highs and low lows – often to intimidate and keep you off balance emotionally.
  11. His temper: is mean, often of a conscious-free, righteous indignation type
  12. He often: says you don’t know what you are talking about.
  13. He belittles: your ideas, makes you feel you are not good enough
  14. He withdraws approval or love: as punishment
  15. He pushes you: to do things that make you feel uneasy, like taking a day off of work or even breaking the law
  16. He hates his mother, is nasty to her and has a history of contempt for her and brings that attitude towards women into the relationship.


The main overall goal of these people is to isolate you from your support group as quickly as possible, take gradual control of your life, and eventually totally own you. It parallels many characteristic of the Borderline personality disorder: his fear of abandonment, devaluation of partner, identity disturbance, impulsivity, latent suicidal ideation.  ( the murder-suicide extreme version).


Women are wiser today and, if they have a strong identity and clear sense of their “mate-value” (how they deserve to be treated – respectfully and honorably), they tend to abandon these relationships. Those who remain in them take on a vacant, hollow, numb, abused look and eventually, many slowly lose their minds.