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If you had a friend that talked to you like you do, would you still be friends?

I have a serious question for you. 

If you had a friend that talked to you like you talk to you, would you still be friends?

I've talked and written in the past about the importance of talking to yourself over listening to yourself. It's imperative that you take an active  role in directing the thoughts that run your through your head.  My friend and colleague, Marissa Stevens (Nae Freyling) wrote a post about that quote here regarding her journey with cancer and life. 

Which brings me back to my questions for you.

Q. What do you say to yourself when you do something silly like drop a container of laundry soap?  Is it, "I'm such an idiot!" or some other disparaging remark? 

Q. What do you say to yourself when opportunity for success and therefore failure presents itself?

Q. What do you way to yourself when you dream?

Q. What do you say to yourself when someone pays you a compliment?  Do you mentally catalogue all of your shortcomings? 

Q. What do you say to yourself when someone offers you criticism? Do you flat out reject as hate or do you pile on top of it moving well beyond the original thought of the person ?

Your answers matter because your life will be driven by your thoughts. Like a hidden steering wheel, our brain controls much of how our body responds to the world around us. 

This is not a post about some Pollyanna like false talk. It is not a post about some sort of false pie in the sky hope. 

It is a post about being honest about your worth. It is a post about believing you have worth simply because you exist. You bring something to the world that no on else brings it.Screen Shot 2018-03-08 at 6.39.18 PM

You're not an idiot because something bad happened like you lost $100 that you can't afford to lose. You're not shameful because someone molested or raped you as a child. You didn't deserve to be raped because you were drunk at a party. Your worth isn't diminished because your father didn't know how to adequately love you. You're not worthless because your mom took every chance she could to remind you that you were an accident that wasn't planned.

I do not believe you are an accident. I do believe you have worth.

And at least part of my mission to convince you of the same thing. Our world seems caught between unfettered narcissism and overwhelming self loathing. 

Troubles come for us all, but they do not have to define any of us. 

Which brings me back to my first question. Would you be friends with someone who talked to you like you talk to yourself? 
If they answer to that is no, why do you talk to yourself that way?

What would happen if you started to talking to yourself in a different way? What would happen if you started talking to yourself in an honest and encouraging way?

Why not run an experiment and find out?

 

 


The Emotionally Secure Couple: Chapter One

As you may know I recently published a book called, The Emotionally Secure Couple: The Key to Everything You want in a Healthy Relationship. Front Cover

I believe this book can change your life and your relationships. It's full of the information and methods that I use in session with my clients. I know other therapists that have adopted these methods with their clients and they have reported an increase in their clients progress. I want to share chapter one with you today.

If you like what you read and think that it can help you in your own relationship, you can buy the book on Amazon by clicking here.

 


Chapter 1: What If?

Derek sat on the couch in my office. His Adam’s apple moved up and down in rhythm with his labored breathing. He was obviously distressed. The first few moments of the first session are like a dance: the two partners don’t know how to act without any music to guide them. Therapist and client must listen for the music that is not there and end up in synchrony.

Derek looked at me and said, “My wife and I just can’t get on the same page. Forget communication—we can’t even agree on what we need to communicate!”

I said, “But what if I could teach you how to talk to her and how she could talk to you and move you through your conflict? What if you could engage conflict in a way that improved your relationship? What if you and your wife could actually repair your marriage?”

Derek and Ruby had been married for a few years when they walked into my office. Things started to fall apart quickly. Derek moved out and into an apartment. Ruby begged him to come home. Derek stayed away. She begged some more.

Until she stopped.

After begging, she became incensed. First, she was hurt. Then she was angry. Rage and bitterness followed next. Finally, she flirted with contempt. Overarching these emotions was numbness.

She clung to numbness to protect her heart. At a different time, Ruby sat in my office and told me, “I’m not mad at Derek. I’m not. I’m not angry, I’m not sad; I’m not . . . anything. I’m just really tired.”

If I were going to help them, I would have to challenge her numbness and teach them both a way to talk that moved their relationship forward. I worried that I would run out of time before I could help them.

And I almost did.

One day, Derek walked in and told me that Ruby had decided she was done. She wanted a divorce. “The worst part is that she thinks I was drunk, and I swear to you I wasn’t. I hadn’t even had three beers in two days!”

Derek was angry. I asked him how he responded to Ruby.

“Respond? I just kind of walked away.”

“What if you could change that?” I asked.

What if, indeed!

About a week later, Derek and Ruby walked into my office and she told me, “I want to make our relationship work.”

I asked why she had changed her mind. Derek responded for her.

Derek had gone over to her house and rather than shrinking in the face of her typical haze-and-raze approach to their conflict, he engaged her. He used the same principles that I’ve written in this book to begin the healing process of their relationship. He wasn’t mean. He wasn’t caustic. He was direct. He told her how he felt. He engaged his feelings while validating hers. He told her that he loved her, but he gave her the freedom to leave and walk away. For maybe the first time in their life as a married couple, he stopped trying to control her and gave their relationship the opportunity to grow or fail.

This is one of the keys to a healthy relationship: allowing it the opportunity to fail. We’ll talk more about this later, but for Derek, it was revolutionary. It saved his marriage. And you’ll need to embrace it to create the relationship you want.

I’ll ask you the same question: What if you didn’t have to go through Derek’s situation? What if you could create habits in your life that would create a healthy relationship as a byproduct? What if you could learn new strategies to create a healthy marriage?

I believe you can do exactly that, and this book is my attempt to help you create those habits.

We will come back to Derek and Ruby later to see how they navigated these habits. By the way, as of the writing of this book, they are expecting their first baby.

Are You Contributing?

Eric and Emily had called my office and had asked to meet with me at a coffee shop. I agreed. Their relationship was in real trouble.

They knew it.

Sadly, no one else knew.

From the outside, they had done everything right. They had been friends before dating. They dated for almost a year before he proposed. A year later, they were married.

Twenty months later, they were sitting in that coffee shop with me surrounded by a throng of hipsters listening to indie music while wearing knit hats in the summer.

Both had great jobs. Both wanted their relationship to work—at least in the beginning.

Tears flowed down Emily’s face as she told her side of the story. Eric sat with a face carved from granite as she talked about her infidelity. She cried. He withdrew. She stressed that no sexual activity happened—besides a few light kisses and the occasional hug. Her assurances did nothing to thaw Eric’s face or emotions. “It just happened. I wasn’t looking for it,” she implored.

At that line, I saw my first glimpse of Eric’s emotions. He was angry. Of course, that’s understandable. What I was about to ask him, though, would start a fire in our conversation.

“Eric, what do you think you did to contribute to this situation?”

Raw, white anger boiled across his face.

“Me?!”

“He was just never home. He just wasn’t . . . there.” Emily slowly and deliberately pushed the words out for me. Eric’s response told me that this was not the first time they had had this conversation. His shoulders rolled and his head shook, his face screaming contempt without a word escaping his mouth.

Both had come from homes where their parents and grandparents had divorced and remarried, with one parent on both sides being remarried multiple times. Emily was the result of her mom’s first affair.

She was horrified at the prospect of having become a cheater. Despite whatever reasons she had to justify her actions, she felt as though she had become the very thing she always wanted to avoid.

Eric’s father was a good provider but was never present emotionally.

Perhaps this was the hardest pill for them to swallow: they had become the parent they most struggled with in their own childhood. This is, of course, very common. Children learn what they live, and live what they learn.

As with most things in couples counseling, this principle seems to be so plain, so obvious that it almost seems not to warrant utterance.

And yet, often the most basic things are the ones we overlook the most. Our parents, or primary caregivers as children, blueprint us for how we will interact emotionally as adults. They give us the plan that we utilize, often without us realizing that we are repeating what they do.

We often default to the patterns of living we learned in childhood. This is true even if we have intellectually rejected them. Rejecting them without replacing them only creates a vacuum that we often don’t know how to fill, so we return to what we know.

Eric and Emily had been taught how to save money, take care of a home, and provide all of life’s basic necessities. They had never been taught how to answer the core questions that haunt us all.

They had never been taught how to best pursue each other. Neither had ever been asked what it would mean for them to sell out to the idea of making their marriage work.

Neither had ever asked what they would be willing to pay or risk to get what they want out of their marriage.

They had never actually considered what the point of their marriage was or should be.

I told Eric and Emily, “It is my belief that any couple can come back from anything. They simply need to learn how to build the most important ingredient into their relationship and answer some basic questions every day.”

The Other Side of Pain

I’ve worked with couples who had multiple affairs—with pens ready to sign divorce papers—and they came back from those terrible situations. One husband cheated on his wife with one of her best friends while she was in the hospital with their newborn baby.

Not only are they together today, but they will tell you that they are best friends.

How does that happen?

How does a couple caught in the deepest hurt move from the most significant pain of feeling the widest gulf between them to being best friends? It happens by both individuals being committed to healing and hope. When both people are willing to move toward each other and invite the other person to walk beside them, healing occurs.

But this process is painful. It doesn’t feel good. I cannot tell you how many times someone has said to me, “But I don’t feel like it should be this hard!” or “I don’t feel like I should have to endure this pain.”

Eric and Emily both said that to me. I told them the same thing I always say at those moments: “This hard” is subjective and they are correct in believing that they do not have to endure the pain. But no matter what they choose to do, there will be pain, especially if kids are involved. And if they want their marriage to work, they have to walk through the pain. One of the biggest lies we allow our brains to tell us is that we do not have a choice in a situation. Whenever people tell me they “shouldn’t have to endure pain” or “they don’t have to go through the pain,” I tell them I agree with them. They can always choose to exclude a particular pain from their life. There is a catch, though.

Everything in life that is worth having is almost always on the other side of pain. By avoiding the thing that scares us, we avoid the things we want to be in our life. We succeed in avoiding one pain only to invite and welcome another pain into our life. There is always pain.

Eric and Emily had what many would consider to be a big problem in their marriage. There was infidelity—emotionally, if not physically—and it was this giant life-sucking hole that permeated every area of their relationship. They had a much bigger problem, though. This giant problem would allow them to ignore the many smaller problems that had led them to this point.

Emily was not being completely honest that day, and there was more to the story (there often is). And Eric had some secrets of his own to share. They were both holding onto their secrets because they had failed to create a safe place to share the hard things about their life.

We all have these traumas in our relationships. Our screw-ups sit in the back corner of our brain, taunting us. They expose our shame and demand we hide it. They bark loudly and obnoxiously until we acquiesce and hide them. In hiding our shame, we hide ourselves. We retreat our true inner being to the shadows where the shame can grow into its own dragon, seeking to slay us.

Then we try to soothe our pain. We try to soothe it by working out or making millions of dollars or getting involved in church. We try to outdo our shame, falsely believing that we can outrun it through activity. The net result becomes a heaping of shame on top of shame. Our activity does not do away with our shame; instead, it numbs our response to it. A numb soul tends to be numb to everything. This causes us to pick activities that keep us from connecting with someone else, which causes us to experience more shame.

Sometimes, maybe often, we try to deny our shame by simply retreating and not doing anything. This can lead to clinical depression. We keep the blinds in the house down and lose all sense of meaning for life. Our zest fades like the dying light of late autumn.

Most of the time, we strike an uneasy balance between those two extremes and we still fail to heal. Our world spins faster and faster as we scramble to catch up. We don’t find satisfaction in what should be our deepest and most significant relationship, all the while failing to realize that one of the biggest contributing factors to a failed marriage is overlooking a truly safe place to be all-in with our whole body.

This book will give you the tools to be able to create such a space for your loved ones. A space where complete safety can grow and blossom. The challenge for you will be engaging your greatest fears as you seek that which you desire the most.


Square or Circle: Finding Peace in a world that can feel out of control

Have you ever been frustrated with someone doing something that you didn't want them to do?

Have you ever searched every crevice of your brain to try and figure out a way to say something to someone so that they wouldn't act in a certain way toward you?

Maybe you wanted to understand how to talk to them so they wouldn't get mad. Circle square illustrated
Maybe you wanted your teenage son to understand the importance of taking his dirty dishes out of his room.

Maybe you wanted your parents to understand how they hurt you.

Whatever it is, if it didn't work, I'm guessing, you were frustrated. I want to share with you something that may help alleviate that frustration. 

Find a piece of paper.

Draw a stick figure. This stick figure is you.
Now, draw a circle around the stick figure and a square around the circle.

Your drawing should look something like the picture embedded in this post.

Now, consider this: Everything on the square happens to you, but you have little to no control over it. When your partner does something you don't like, that's on your square. If you try to have a conversation with them about your sex life and they start to yell and get mad? That's on your square and their circle.  You're not responsible for how they act or react; they are.

That's the good news.

How you act is on your circle. You are 100% responsible for how you act.

Most of the time, when you try to control something on someone else's circle (your square), you are manipulating.

This is often a great source of emotional frustration and angst for people. I will often ask clients, "Circle or Square?" when they are talking about a frustration.  The question is designed to get them to explore what they control or are trying to control.

Too often, people will be at one end of two extremes.

The first end is, "I must be doing it wrong, because my husband always gets mad no matter what I do or how I say it." The opposite end is "What my husband is doing is wrong therefore I have an excuse for my poor behavior."

Both extremes are wrong.

Simply because your spouse feels angry with you or reacts poorly to something you've done does not mean that you've done anything wrong. Yes, you can and should examine how you approached the issue. You can even ask them how you might have said whatever it was you wanted to communicate in a way that they would not have been upset/angry, etc over. 

But there reaction is 100% on their circle (they control it) and 100% on your square (you are not in control of it).

Conversely, if your spouse is engaging in poor behavior, that's on their circle (they're control) and your square (not your control.

Your reaction is still on your circle and their poor behavior does not ever excuse your own poor behavior.

I am always amazed at people who would never accept, "Well, they did it first" from their children and use the same excuse for why they treat their spouse poorly.

A natural question is what about feelings?

Feelings live in the place between our circle and square. We don't often control their creation. They happen faster than we can process.

But we absolutely control what we do with those emotions and feelings. We control what do after those feelings are created.   Simply because we're mad, doesn't mean we have to yell or be mean. We control our actions and what we do.

So the next time you are frustrated or angry, ask yourself if you're trying to control something that's on your square or circle.

If it's out on the square, you're probably going to be stuck for as long as you try to control it.

So much of our energy is spent trying to control things we do not and cannot control that we fail to utilize the energy we do have to control our own lives.

If we want to find true satisfaction, we will have to start with controlling the things we control and accepting the fact that we don't control everything. Energy spent trying to control things we can't control is energy wasted.  Energy wasted will not move us toward peace.

Find some time today, make your lists. Examine what's going on in your life. What do you control? What don't you control?

 

 

 

 

 


Mental Health Urgent Care Clinic coming to West Michigan

In the near future, our office will be opening an Urgent Care Mental Health Clinic. We believe it will be the first of this type of service for our area.  I want to take a moment today and share with you why we are doing this and what we hope to accomplish with such a clinic.

I once heard a clinician brag about charging client's extra in order to see them on the weekend.

That is something we have never done or embraced here at JMCN.  Over the years, I've seen clients in crisis whenever possible, including weekends.  I know that is also true of other therapists in our network.

Just last weekend, one of our therapist came in on a Saturday morning to see a client who was in crisis.

But, we can't all be on call twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.

And yet, there are always going to be times when someone needs help, now. JMCN Urgent Care

We want to attempt to meet that need. This clinic is our attempt to do that. The Urgent Care Center at JMCN will provide urgent care mental health therapy for people who feel they are in a mental health crisis  but cannot see their normal clinician for a period of time. We also want to serve those who do not have a normal clinician and cannot get in to see their preferred clinician in a timely manner.

Take for instance, my friend Bob.*  He and I were talking about this a few days ago. His wife Sarah has a regular therapist that she sees three to four times a month. She is dealing with some significant losses recently in her personal life and the grief that accompanies those losses.

Two weeks ago, a beloved pet passed away unexpectedly. Sarah was frantic to see her therapist. The only problem was that her therapist does not see client's on Mondays. On Tuesday, her therapist left for a two week vacation.

Bob felt that having some place where Sarah could have gone to talk about her grief would have been important and helpful.

Or consider for a moment, if you will Wendy and Dave.*

They've been having trouble communicating lately and late last week they had a fight that they both felt might have put their relationship over the edge into a downward death spiral from which it might never recover.  As they desperately call around the area looking for a marriage or relationship therapist to help them, they discover that they have a minimum of a one week wait.

We see this Urgent Care clinic as a potential resource for all the Dave and Wendy's of the area.

And for anyone who is feeling depressed and lost...or hurt and abandoned. We want to help.

You can find more information about our Mental Health Urgent Care Clinic by clicking here.

 

 

 

*Not real name.


If you want to start something new, you'll need to stop something old

I often meet people who tell me about their wishes.

Sometimes, they call these wishes goals and I call them wishes.

They want to do this thing they're talking about....

......build a business

    ......start a non-profit

        .......go back to school CreativeCost1

            .....write a novel

                ......get healthier

                    ....do something they are not currently doing.

 

When I ask them what is keeping them from doing the thing they want to be doing, I usually hear one of two things. Sometimes, I hear both.

"I don't have the time," they say with dour seriousness.

"I don't have the resources," gets expressed with equal chagrin.

I often push back and ask them how important their wish is to them. They often tell me that it's really important.  I will ask them how important again and they will express some agitation at me asking the same question a second time.

I often tell them that I find that question to be the most important because I believe that people do what they want to do when they want to do it.

I often find that people fail at starting something new because they are unwilling to say no to something that they are currently doing but find unsatisfying.

You want to have a family? Well, that's going to impact the amount of times you can hang out with your "bros".

You want to get healthier? Well, that's going to force you to change your eating, and sleep habits.

You want to have an intimate relationship? Well, that's going to force you to change how you draw your boundaries and deploy your personal amour.

No matter what you do, you'll have to stop doing something else. 

I have found it helpful to judge people's seriousness about an endeavor by making one seemingly weird suggestion.

When they suggest to me that they are under-resourced, I'll suggest they cut their cable or phone bill.

The reactions are almost comical.

It's as though by suggesting they cut out their cable that I am asking for a limb.

"But, if you're going to get where you want to go, you'll need to change something," I prod. "What do you want to change?"

"I can't. I'm stuck,"

To that I say, "Hogwash!"

The journey from where you are to where you want to be is going to be hard.  Everything in life worth having is hard.

Life is hard because it's supposed to be hard, because that is how we learn.

What about you? What do you want to do that you're not doing? What is keeping you from chasing that thing? Is is fear? What are you willing to pay to get it done? Think beyond terms of monetary payments here. Are you willing to pay engaging your fear? Are you willing to risk failure (maybe public)? Are you willing pay people telling you it won't work? Are you willing to lose sleep? Are you willing to delay gratification?

Here's another truth for another post but remember that today what you do is because you're choosing to do it. If you don't like the results you're getting, start making plans to make different choices.


Three things that healthy couples do.

When stress enters the narratives of a relationship, people are often tempted to try and jump directly to problem solving. This is problematic because they are often not in the right place to effectively problem solve. Try the two steps listed below, first.  Screen Shot 2016-02-29 at 11.50.49 AM

Three Things that Every Healthy Couple Does:

1. De-escalate stress points.
In every fight there comes a "jump off" point where the fight begins in earnest. Usually, there are stress factors that precede the fight and each person escalates. These escalation points usually come from both the other person (inside the relationship) and other forces (outside the relationship). Successful couples know how to de-escalate this process so that they can tolerate the stress of the situation.

2. Tolerate the stress.

The good news is that you can't de-escalate for the other person. The bad news is that you can't de-escalate for the other person. You can only de-escalate yourself. The trick is to do this to the point that you can talk to the other person. You want to be able to calm yourself in order that you can hear and help the other person hear you.  This allows you to problem solve as a team.

3. Problem solve.

Problem solving as a team helps to build emotional security. It also helps to avoid emotional scars that often last long after the original point of contention is forgotten.

So how are you doing at these three skills? Do you want to do better? Then register today for this years marriage conference and I'll teach you ways to develop these skills. Even if you think, "Hey, we're OK at this stuff," I'll help you get better.

 

*** Please note this post was originally posted early in 2017. If you are interested in going to a 2018 Conference be sure to like our Facebook page or subscribe to this blog's RSS feed by adding your email in the subscribe button. You can also add your email to our mailing list by commenting below or sending us a Facebook message.

 


Your Marriage is Mortal, It can die. You Can Keep It Alive

I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine. I told him that all marriages are mortal. He immediately became offended and said, "No way! My marriage is not mortal!"

I laughed at him and said not only was his marriage mortal but that if he didn't recognize that fact and act accordingly it would increase the chances that his marriage could become sick or die. Of course, this was met with more angst. We ended up having a great conversation. He may or may not comment on this post, I don't know. 

Whether we want to admit it or not, our marriages are mortal. Everyone's marriage is mortal. It does not matter how much you want to say that you will never get divorced or that your marriage will never die. It could and we have less control over than we'd like to admit.

I commented to my wife the other day that it seems every time I turn around I’m learning about someone new getting divorced. Some have been married for just a few years and some have been married for many years. 

There is a hard reality about marriages. For every 100 couples that gets married this weekend better than 50 of them will end up in divorce. Every one of them thinks that it will be someone else.

I think that many people think that as long as they refuse to acknowledge the D word everything will work out. I admit I used to think this way. There is at least two problems with this type of thinking.

First of all, a marriage requires two people to work on it. A person I know once said that marriage is something you possess and do. The trick is you don't possess it or do it alone. You do it with someone else. Sadly, that person can decide to walk away and there may be nothing you can do about it.

A second problem with this line of thinking is that it does not allow you to look realistically at your marriage. To say that our marriages cannot die is a lot like saying that our bodies cannot break down. It just isn't based in reality.

When we say our marriages are not mortal, we can delude ourselves into thinking everything is OK when it is not. Worse, we can become too scared to admit that we have problems in our marriage. This fear may prohibit us from seeking professional help in counseling for our marriage.

The truth is your marriage, my friend's marriage and my marriage is mortal. They can all die, which is why we must be vigilant in protecting ouimage from scontent-iad3-1.xx.fbcdn.netr marriages. We must cultivate them.

When things are going ravishingly well, we must work at it. When dry and difficult times come we must work at it.

Admitting that our bodies are mortal does not mean that we want to die prematurely. The same is true for marriages. When I was married I made a promise to stay that way until death separated us and I meant it.

Denying that my marriage is mortal doesn't make that promise any stronger. It does not make my marriage stronger, in fact I think it makes it more vulnerable.

By admitting that it is fragile, and extremely valuable I am admitting that it is something I have to work on every day. 


We are hardwired to connection from birth.

Researchers have found that "all scientific research now shows that from a time a baby is born, a baby's brain is biologically already formed to connect in relationships." 

Key take-a-ways

  • In large measure, what is causing this crisis of American childhood is a lack of connectedness. We mean two kinds of connectedness—close connections to other people, and deep connections to moral and spiritual meaning.
  • Much of this report is a presentation of scientific evidence—largely from the field of neuro-science, which concerns our basic biology and how our brains develop—showing that the human child is hardwired to connect. We are hardwired for other people and for moral meaning and openness to the transcendent. Meeting these basic needs for connection is essential to health and to human flourishing
  • For the first time, a diverse group of scientists and other experts on children's health is publicly recommending that our society pay considerably more attention to young people's moral, spiritual and religious needs."

~Tim Clifton and Joshua Straub


Two words that will change your relationships. Seriously.

Two words can change your relationship? Admit it, you’re a touch skeptical. I admit that I was when the principle was first shared with me.


But not now, because now I’ve seen it work.


When I was in grad school studying to become a counselor, I would often have people engage me via social media for free counseling. Start out with, “Hey, you’re studying to be a counselor, I was wondering what you thought about….” The sentence would be finished in a variety of ways.
The most common finish to the sentence involved someone’s spouse not getting something done that the person wanted them to do. To be honest, I would deflect and not answer most of the time.
People tactics would change. They would ask my wife.

Especially, her married female friends. The conversation would inevitably go something like this:


Friend: My husband never does _____________.
My wife: What have you tried?
Friend: Well, you know I pretty much nag him non-stop. (Laughing)
My wife: How’s that working?
Friend: Not well
My wife: Well, here’s the secret….


They typically didn’t like her advice. At  best, they were skeptical but often they would try it. The majority of the time, they would come back and exclaim to her how well it worked.


What I’ve discovered in my practice, implementing this strategy with my clients is that it not only works to get more done around the house it also improves relationships.
Drastically.


Just say, “Thank you.” Thank-you-33

When your husband does something that you want him to do, thank him. Yes, even if you’ll feel he should be doing it. That’s irrelevant. Almost everyone enjoys being thanked.
When you get home from a crazy day, thank your wife for putting in her crazy day.
Your wife fixes the car? Thank her.
Your husband cooks dinner? Thank him.

Try this with your children. It won't completely stop them from still being kids but it will improve things. My assumption is that there are very few people who truly feel as though they are being over appreciated for what they are doing in life. I think most people feel under-appreciated.


Seriously, give this a try. Instead of lamenting what isn’t getting done, praise what is getting done and see what happens. I think the results may surprise you.